What is Emotional Intelligence
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What is Emotional Intelligence

Research shows, that women tend to manage emotions better than men on average.

What is Emotional Intelligence

According to Daniel Goleman – Emotional Intelligence is a range of abilities in self-awareness, self-management, emotional empathy, and social skills. He described emotional intelligence as a person’s ability to manage his feelings so that those feelings are expressed appropriately and effectively.

An emotionally intelligent person is capable of managing his/her emotions by understanding them. And, uses emotions positively to communicate, empathize, relieve stress, defuse conflicts, and most importantly overcome challenges.

Research shows, that women tend to manage emotions better than men on average. Men, on the other hand, are better able to manage distressing emotions. 

As people develop their skills, they become more efficient, and they pick up more strengths in areas they need. Emotional intelligence is universal, but it looks different in different places. Though, the fundamentals are the same.

You must have an understanding of your emotions. What does it mean? It means that you must understand when you are feeling sad, grief, happiness, disgust, fear and surprise, and many more such emotions.

Hence, understanding when, why, and how these emotions are being felt, and you perceive, understand, and manage them. If you are feeling any emotion, do you understand which emotion is this? It is necessary to understand the reason behind the emotion. 

Therefore, it becomes important to learn how you skillfully understand emotions, perceive emotions, manage, influence, and utilize emotions. You must know the skills of managing emotions and expressing them.

You can improve your relationships with your partner, family, colleagues, or relatives by developing your skills to become Emotionally Intelligent.

If you are emotionally intelligent, you can conduct yourself effectively and efficiently, and you see yourself balanced.

The question comes to how to develop your emotional skills.


Knowing what you are feeling, and why you are feeling, is necessary.  You forget yourself and channelize energy into knowing about others, which is not necessary at first. 

A person with emotional self-awareness is usually receptive to, and able to learn from, constructive criticism more than one who does not have emotional self-awareness.

The main point is how much you are interested in knowing about yourself. How do you do that? By spending time with yourself. Ask questions to yourself, surely you won't lie to yourself, hence you will get the right answers. You must experience and appreciate the time spent with yourself. Ask yourself, did you like your own company?

Later, you can talk to your trustworthy friends or your well-wishers about yourself. They will surely give you positive feedback. It will help understand your feelings and emotions.

Refresh/Restart yourself as you do with your technological gadgets. Consciously delete your unwanted/ unpleasant memory, and thoughts from your mind. Once a week, stay away from all the social media. If possible, stay away from gadgets.  What will happen by doing so? You will be able to spend time with yourself. Focus on each thought: make notes of it. 


Handling your distressing emotions effectively is necessary. So that they don't cripple you. Align your actions with your passion.

A person with high emotional intelligence can exercise restraint and control when expressing their emotions.

You must be aware of your emotions, behaviour, and feelings. You should know how you think, how to act? Thoughts are converted into actions. 

Emotions are driven by our feelings. And, your feelings are influenced by your thoughts. The way you think, the same way you feel. The way you feel, the same way you express your emotions. Therefore, you must know how to manage all of these.

Channelize your emotions

You must know the type of emotions that you are feeling. When, where, and in which episode or situations which type of emotions are being felt.

For example: When do you get angry? Why do you get angry? How much anger is felt? How do you react/respond to anger? In every situation, anger is not the same. You must understand this point. What triggers you the most: Make note of it. It is very necessary to learn how to manage anger because anger has harmful effects on nerves.

Learn how to motivate yourself

People with high emotional intelligence are self-motivated, resilient, and driven by inner ambition rather than being influenced by outside forces, such as money or prestige. 

Your emotions and feelings depend on your thoughts. And, this reflects in your actions. 

As far as possible, keep yourself motivated and feel energetic. You should stay positive and burdening yourself must be avoided to be able to complete your tasks.  You will be able to manage your personal or professional tasks. 

Along with this, identify your motivations. Suppose you go for a morning walk, so what is that which keeps you motivated to go for a morning walk? Keep them alive. 

Recognize the emotions of others

Developing interpersonal relationships is necessary.  If you start to listen to other people, trust and confidence in you will increase.

In addition to your family, you must know how to skillfully perceive and understand the emotions of your friends, relatives, and colleagues.

Strong relationships are the base of a happy life. Think before you say by choosing words carefully.

Emotional Empathy

Knowing what someone else is feeling is extremely important. Emotionally empathize with your relatives whether your partner, family members, friends, or colleagues.

You must know which of your words or reactions may hurt their feelings. And, if they are hurt, or you may get hurt by others, talk to them, and sort out the matter if possible. Talking your heart out in a manner is the best therapy. 

Social Skills

People with emotional intelligence can build trust with others and can gain respect from the people they meet. 

You must know how to develop social skills. What are social skills? Social skills are those skills that you use on an everyday basis to interact and communicate with others. Social skills are verbal and non-verbal. Skills like effective communication, conflict resolution, active listening empathy, relationship management, and respect should be learned. 

You know the fact that hatred and even wars are going on, and the level of familial abuse is an indicator that emotions are out of control dangerously. That's why social and emotional intelligence is needed worldwide. 

Since childhood, it is necessary to teach children the skills regularly and systematically so that they do not develop anti-social behaviour. Therefore, pro-social behaviour and academic achievement scores can be leveled up. 

Emotional intelligence is useful for the human resource management department while recruiting candidates and determining leadership roles and team potential. 

Researchers have also found that emotionally intelligent people can use their skills for personal gain. 

About the writer

Anamika is a Clinical Psychologist. She specializes in exceptional children and is an educational counsellor associated with NGOs. She also writes articles for wellbeingfinance.com

Disclaimer: The views expressed in the article above are his own and CitySpidey does not endorse them in anyway.